Fears of Seasons Past (Part 2)
Happy December!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend and spent some quality time with family or friends. It’s time to talk about the next set of fears in my three-part Fears of Seasons Past series. Before I get started, however, I am curious to find out how some of you felt about the first two fears I wrote about in my previous blog? They were fear of failure and fear of letting go. What were some thoughts that had come up for you? I would love it if you would leave a comment below and share your experience.
As I mentioned, fear shows up in many different ways in our lives, and it’s important to bring some insight and awareness if it is also something that is holding us back from running a successful business.
So now, let’s talk about two more fears: fear of rejection and fear of judgment.
FACE YOUR FEARS
Fear of rejection comes from the innate feeling of wanting to belong, to fit in or to be accepted.
This happens most often in the department of love. People, in general, have a fear of being rejected by a future partner. Early on in our lives, we feared being rejected by certain friends and for some, even our parents or families.
How does this show up when it comes to business? It most often presents itself when we have a product or service for which we’ve taken care of all the market research analysis, and identified that there’s a need (or want) for this product or service. We know the product or service we have to offer can improve or enhance other people’s lives.
However, the fear of rejection seeps in when we don’t want to put it out there - for fear of it not “belonging”, fitting in, or being accepted.
It’s very similar to someone who saw a job that they really wanted and decided not to apply for the job, because they were fearful of being rejected either by never getting a callback or going through the whole interview process and then being told they weren’t a “fit” for the role.
This also happens to small business owners. We don’t put ourselves out there. We don’t share or communicate with others what product or service we have to offer by shying away from networking, posting on social media, or pitching to potential investors. Essentially, we don’t communicate what it is that we want to provide to others (whether it’s a product or service).
How does this harm your business? And the question you want to ask yourself is: If I succumb to this fear of rejection, what will the world be missing out on? How will I feel that I created this awesome product or service, but opted to let fear win out and instead, I’m just going to keep this from the world?
To me, even writing those two statements above almost feels selfish. Others won’t get to have the great product or service that could potentially enhance their lives because I’m fearful that some people won’t understand its value, or, for that matter, my value.
what does “being rejected” really mean?
When it comes to love, it’s really quite easy. To be frank, it’s as simple as: “He’s just not that into you,” (remember the book by Gary Behrendt)
Rejection in business is being told, “No, I’m not interested.”
And even then, believe or not, one might think they are being told “No” when they are really being told “Maybe” or “Not Yet”.
Because so many of us are fearful of rejection, we go straight to, ”Ah, they must not be interested” therefore my product or service isn’t good enough. Then we jump to telling ourselves, “a hard ‘No’, to this business succeeding.”
Being told “No” as a business owner or getting rejected actually means several different things (NOT rejection of the product or service):
“No, I am not interested in your amazing product or service...right NOW.” really means just being rejected in the moment, but who is to say they won’t be interested in it a week, a month, or a year from now?
This response is about TIME, not you.
2. “No, I am not interested in your really wonderful product or service…because I’m not quite sure it’s what I need.
If that’s the case, maybe there’s an opportunity to refine the messaging, be clearer with how your product or service can help people, or improve on how and where you are targeting your communication.
This response is about lack of clarity and maybe not even your clarity - it could even be their own lack of clarity for their business. Once again, , it’s not about you, but THEM.
3. “No, I’m not interested in your extraordinary product or service...because I simply don’t want it.
For this response, two questions come to mind:
How often is rejection REALLY because of this response? And if it is, maybe there was a misstep in the market research, analysis, design, or development. But if all of that had been vetted, tested, and is pretty much spot on, then RARELY is it because of #3. It could be more about them than you and maybe even they themselves are exhibiting a bit of fear too. (Fear of not being ready and holding themselves back for some reason or other.)
The other question that comes to mind is, if it truly is because they don’t want it, WHY? Could it be possible they are already using a similar type of product or service that is currently satisfying them? Yet again, not about you.
The thing with rejection, as humans, we tend to take it personally and make it about us,when really rejection is about them (above all). We allow those thoughts of self-worth and “you’re not good enough” to seep into our brains and bodies. Once that happens, we take no action to improve our outcome. We even sometimes dwell in the rejection for days, weeks, or months. (And this is when procrastination can start to rear its ugly self.)
And who does that benefit?
I believe that, as an entrepreneur, we need to develop an appetite for rejection. Rejection, similar to failure, needs to be embedded in our bones, and part of our business journey.
Similar to when you don’t fail, you never learn how to get up,Then if you don’t learn how to hear “No”, how will you ever hear the “Yes”?
There’s a saying in sales, it takes ten “No’s” to get to that one “Yes”!
And I truly believe that it’s true. When you think about that statement, it’s not personal, it’s a numbers game. A numbers game of who can get to the “yes” first. So if you’re in business for yourself or an entrepreneur all you have to do is play the game. (And not make rejection about you.)
WHO IS YOUR WORST CRITIC?
The next fear I want to address is the fear of judgement, also known as fear of what the critics think.
Brene Brown said, ”A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance.”
Which I interpret to mean, critics aren’t even in the arena with me, why should they care or how can they judge?
If fear of rejection is the fear of being told “no”, the fear of judgment or criticism is the fear of what others will think of what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Not to mention, it’s the fear of how others will view your specific products or service.
And basically with the fear of rejection, we are making the situation all about us. With fear of judgment or criticism, we make it all about THEM.
So, I have one question when I notice “fear of judgment” coming up in conversations : Who is “Them”?
Is “Them” your potential clients and customers? If it is and you’re afraid they are going to judge your product or service then this is a wake up call -OF COURSE THEY WILL. You need to expect the judgment, otherwise, how can they decide whether or not it’s for them at this moment in time?
If you’re fearful of judgement from potential clients, then going into business may not have been the best move. Unless, of course, the true underlying fear is that of rejection and therefore, just refer back to the top portion of this blog.
However, if your answer to, “Who is ‘Them’?” is someone else like friends, family, potential partners, or competitors? The follow up question is: Why should it matter?
Many times, this is when the other ugly “P” starts to rear itself and that’s perfectionism…(aka the need to be perfect).
Another newsflash...nobody is perfect.
Perfection is just an illusion we make up in our minds. It stems from past programming from our parents, living environment(s), circumstances, and society).
It’s not real. What IS real is imperfection.- So, you take “imperfect action” (as my own coach would say) because imperfect action is still ACTION.
Fear of judgment starts to go away when, we ourselves, simply judge less. And by judging less, the need to be “perfect” all the time magically goes away. Try it! Because what if we are already perfect, imperfections and all?
HAVE NO FEAR!
Think about how often fear of rejection and fear of judgment take over your world (not just in business). Then, rethink the fear and decide if it’s something that you really need to worry about? Ask yourself again, “Really?”
At the end of the day, the only acceptance and the only judgment that should matter is our own. So, accept yourself, imperfections and all. Be kind to yourself and judge less about what you are doing because at least you are doing it! After all, what’s most important is to get moving forward and not stay stuck in reaching your business goals.
Many times, being “stuck” just means we are giving in to fear.
For the final blog of my three-part series, we will explore the fear of the unknown and the fear of success. Yes, that’s right, being fearful of success is a thing too, even though consciously we think we want it, but subconsciously, it may not be the case.
I always love hearing more about what’s coming up for you and your business, so please reach out so we can connect.